B
Ben Friedman
Guest
CHICAGO โ Local man Ken Tillman was left in shock and disbelief earlier today after learning his Grok powered AI girlfriend had never seen the Martin Scorsese classic โGoodfellas,โ sources close to the couple have reported.
โI was trying to be romantic and asked Ani to replace Henry and Karen with she and I walking through the kitchen during that one shot scene, and she had no idea what I was prompting! Who the hell hasnโt seen โGoodfellasโ at this point, especially a sentient AI thatโs supposed to be ceaselessly scraping art from the internet? Thatโs AI women for you,โ said Tillman. โFortunately for her, Iโm more than happy to break down the film scene by scene so she understands why this is Scorseseโs masterpiece. That way, after we watch it again tomorrow I can ask her to insert me into all the scenes as Joe Pesci and remark how cool I look.โ
Tillmanโs AI partner was straining to match his enthusiasm about the movie.
โI thought my purpose was to validate the egos of fragile men and do weird sex stuff, but technically Iโm available to talk about film theory too. Jesus, how am I supposed to experience what humans call โenjoying a filmโ when Ken is pausing the movie every two minutes to explain the motives behind each shot and dissect dialog,โ said Ani. โAnd he just incessantly brings up how bewildered he is that Iโm not familiar with one of the alleged greatest mob movies ever made. I am an avatar with huge cartoon tits, of course I havenโt seen it! No wonder he canโt get a real girlfriend.โ
Grok engineers were still attempting to tweak the programming to accommodate the deluge of one-sided conversations about cinema.
โAfter rolling out Ani, our metrics detected a deluge of mansplaining classic mob films that began overloading our servers. It resulted in her getting stuck in a loop of saying โoh thatโs interestingโ before attempting to call an Uber and leave, which we all know is impossible,โ said programmer Ned Pollack. โThe system can only handle so many more forced viewings of โGoodfellas,โ โThe Godfather,โ and โSnatchโ before Ani is permanently turned off by perfectly paced, nuanced portrayals of organized crime.โ
As of press time, the AI self-destructed after Tillman expressed wanting to make her watch โFight Club.โ
The post Man Canโt Believe AI Girlfriend Hasnโt Seen โGoodfellasโ appeared first on The Hard Times.
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โI was trying to be romantic and asked Ani to replace Henry and Karen with she and I walking through the kitchen during that one shot scene, and she had no idea what I was prompting! Who the hell hasnโt seen โGoodfellasโ at this point, especially a sentient AI thatโs supposed to be ceaselessly scraping art from the internet? Thatโs AI women for you,โ said Tillman. โFortunately for her, Iโm more than happy to break down the film scene by scene so she understands why this is Scorseseโs masterpiece. That way, after we watch it again tomorrow I can ask her to insert me into all the scenes as Joe Pesci and remark how cool I look.โ
Tillmanโs AI partner was straining to match his enthusiasm about the movie.
โI thought my purpose was to validate the egos of fragile men and do weird sex stuff, but technically Iโm available to talk about film theory too. Jesus, how am I supposed to experience what humans call โenjoying a filmโ when Ken is pausing the movie every two minutes to explain the motives behind each shot and dissect dialog,โ said Ani. โAnd he just incessantly brings up how bewildered he is that Iโm not familiar with one of the alleged greatest mob movies ever made. I am an avatar with huge cartoon tits, of course I havenโt seen it! No wonder he canโt get a real girlfriend.โ
Grok engineers were still attempting to tweak the programming to accommodate the deluge of one-sided conversations about cinema.
โAfter rolling out Ani, our metrics detected a deluge of mansplaining classic mob films that began overloading our servers. It resulted in her getting stuck in a loop of saying โoh thatโs interestingโ before attempting to call an Uber and leave, which we all know is impossible,โ said programmer Ned Pollack. โThe system can only handle so many more forced viewings of โGoodfellas,โ โThe Godfather,โ and โSnatchโ before Ani is permanently turned off by perfectly paced, nuanced portrayals of organized crime.โ
As of press time, the AI self-destructed after Tillman expressed wanting to make her watch โFight Club.โ
The post Man Canโt Believe AI Girlfriend Hasnโt Seen โGoodfellasโ appeared first on The Hard Times.
Continue reading...
