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/u/BodaciousGoddess
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I keep running into a familiar pattern every now and then in my sex life.
With men like J, sex feels electric because it is usually laced with "danger". The unpredictability, the push-pull, the edge makes my body react like it's on fire. But there is rarely the feeling of safety in it. The arousal and anxiety feed off each other...
(And the Js are often dom-leaning switches which complement my sub-leaning switch, they are also intellectuals, bring depth, understand nuances, but when it comes to showing up consistently or being emotionally available, they falter)
If it is forbidden, I am aroused. If it is taboo, I am aroused. If it is unpredictable, I am aroused. My body seems to crave what is off-limits or unstable, like desire feeds on the very things that make it unsafe.
With men like A, I feel the opposite. They are consistent and dependable, but are not complex enough for me. I feel safe around them, but not turned on in the same way.
(With the As, there is a safe space to talk about almost anything, but they don't bring that fast intellectual depth, their own multifaceted-ness, they are emotionally available yes but not emotionally attuned with me)
And just because someone makes me feel safe, it does not feel right to force myself to feel physically attracted.
This is the part I can't figure out yet...is it really possible to feel both the thrill of risky sex and the comfort of safe sex with the same person?
PS: I am looking forward to constructive and naunced comments; no judgements or lazy comments (like go to therapy, I already do!) please.
PPS: I have read Attached and The Body Keeps Score. So, I know where this might be coming from...but awareness isn't a solution always.
Edit: Yes, I have tried kink, been practicing it since a decade, and I am a sub-leaning switch. It has helped me explore the thrill of carnal desires. But, I am also a romantic!!!
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With men like J, sex feels electric because it is usually laced with "danger". The unpredictability, the push-pull, the edge makes my body react like it's on fire. But there is rarely the feeling of safety in it. The arousal and anxiety feed off each other...
(And the Js are often dom-leaning switches which complement my sub-leaning switch, they are also intellectuals, bring depth, understand nuances, but when it comes to showing up consistently or being emotionally available, they falter)
If it is forbidden, I am aroused. If it is taboo, I am aroused. If it is unpredictable, I am aroused. My body seems to crave what is off-limits or unstable, like desire feeds on the very things that make it unsafe.
With men like A, I feel the opposite. They are consistent and dependable, but are not complex enough for me. I feel safe around them, but not turned on in the same way.
(With the As, there is a safe space to talk about almost anything, but they don't bring that fast intellectual depth, their own multifaceted-ness, they are emotionally available yes but not emotionally attuned with me)
And just because someone makes me feel safe, it does not feel right to force myself to feel physically attracted.
This is the part I can't figure out yet...is it really possible to feel both the thrill of risky sex and the comfort of safe sex with the same person?
PS: I am looking forward to constructive and naunced comments; no judgements or lazy comments (like go to therapy, I already do!) please.
PPS: I have read Attached and The Body Keeps Score. So, I know where this might be coming from...but awareness isn't a solution always.
Edit: Yes, I have tried kink, been practicing it since a decade, and I am a sub-leaning switch. It has helped me explore the thrill of carnal desires. But, I am also a romantic!!!
submitted by /u/BodaciousGoddess
[link] [comments]
View Full Post
