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Alien: Earth's fifth episode may be called "In Space, No One...," but a more apt title might be "The USCSS Maginot and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day."
That's because everything that can go wrong does go wrong in this episode, which reveals what happened to the crew of the Maginot before the spaceship crash landed on Earth. The answer, unsurprisingly, is nothing good, with everything from human sabotage and alien attacks playing a role in the Maginot's downfall.
SEE ALSO: 'Alien: Earth' review: Xenomorphs get upstaged in this sci-fi treat
The episode plays out like its own mini Alien movie, and I reacted as such while watching it: screaming, hiding my head in my hands, and letting the overall sense of dread wash over me. If you felt the same way, you've come to the right place! Here, in chronological order, are all the most WTF moments from Alien: Earth, episode 5.
When we learned Facehuggers were loose on the Maginot.
Babou Ceesay in "Alien: Earth." Credit: Patrick Brown/FX
The horrors begin right away, when Morrow (Babou Ceesay) learns that a fire on the USCSS Maginot has led to the release of Facehuggers. With that news, you might as well re-start that fire and burn the whole ship, because it's only a matter of time before you've got full-grown Xenomorphs running around.
When we saw the dead captain and his Facehugger.
The loose Facehuggers have already found hosts in Maginot Captain Dinsdale (Tanapol Chuksrida) and crew member Bronski (Max Rinehart). The Maginot crew took what they thought was a reasonable step in trying to cut the Facehugger off Captain Dinsdale, but they didn't account for the creature's acid blood. RIP to Captain Dinsdale, and RIP to squeamish viewers, who get an eyeful of Dinsdale's exposed, acid-burned esophagus.
SEE ALSO: How 'Alien: Earth' pulls you into the world of 'Alien' in its opening scene
When we learned the fire was sabotage.
Babou Ceesay in "Alien: Earth." Credit: Patrick Brown/FX
As if dealing with escaped aliens wasn't enough, Morrow and new captain Zaveri (Richa Moorjani) realize that the fire in containment may have been started by one of their own crew. So on top of Facehuggers, they now have to deal with a mutinous human who's sent the Maginot hurtling on a crash course with Earth. My stress levels? Already through the ceiling.
When Teng was creeping on Sullivan.
Andy Yu and Babou Ceesay in "Alien: Earth." Credit: Patrick Brown/FX
While all of the alien chaos is going down, crew member Teng (Andy Yu) decides to creepily stare down at fellow crew member Sullivan (Victoria Masoma) while she's asleep in her cryopod. Alien: Earth already hinted at his bizarre obsession with her in its first episode, but watching his voyeurism in action is frankly just as skin-crawlingly awful as seeing a Facehugger latch onto its prey. You know the drill, Teng: Get a job, stay away from her.
SEE ALSO: 'Alien: Earth' presents a continuity conundrum for the franchise
When Alien: Earth hit us with a post-coital Facehugger jump scare.
While Zaveri watches over a Facehugged Bronski, she reminisces on the relationship they started while on the mission. (No one tell Weyland-Yutani!) That leads to a flashback of the two having sex, which culminates on a jump scare of the Facehugger on Bronski in the flashback. No thank you!
When Mother told Zaveri the cargo took priority over crew.
Richa Moorjani in "Alien: Earth." Credit: Patrick Brown/FX
As Zaveri assumes Dinsdale's captain duties, she confers with the Maginot's AI Mother about how to proceed. Zaveri understandably wants to prioritize the crew, asking for permission to destroy the cargo if the crew's lives are in danger. In response, Mother tells her to flip that and reverse it: The cargo is the priority, and the crew can choke on a Facehugger. It's a chilling reminder that the Maginot crew isn't just at the mercy of the aliens they've got onboard. They're also pawns of the greedy corporation that hired them, one that cares more about profit and power than any measly human lives.
When we learned Morrow's daughter is dead.
Babou Ceesay in "Alien: Earth." Credit: Kurt Iswarienko/FX
Much of "In Space, No One..." relies on the very pressing fear that "oh no, aliens are loose on the ship, run for your lives!" But in addition to that classic sci-fi terror, the episode also leans into the existential dread about human mortality that makes the Alien franchise tick. Here, that manifests itself in the form of the 65 years that the Maginot's crew is spending on their mission. Yes, they're in cryosleep for much of it, but you know who isn't? Their friends and family back home, who may never see them again.
SEE ALSO: 'Alien: Earth': What's the deal with Kirsh? We asked Timothy Olyphant.
Case in point is Morrow's young daughter, who died just a few years into the mission. How in the world was Morrow able to go on with the mission, knowing she was gone on Earth? How can any of the crew members go through with something similar? Yes, they're getting paid, but as engineer Shmuel (Michael Smiley) makes clear to engineer's mate Malachite (Jamie Bisping), what they're earning is nothing compared to what Weyland-Yutani is getting: their lives.
When the Chestburster got loose.
The Maginot crew make what seems like a solid decision to place Bronski, Facehugger and all, in cryo in the hopes of preserving him and the specimen. But of course, not even cryo can stop the Xenomorph. It bursts from the pod (and Bronski's chest, naturally), leaving a bloody mess and shifting the Maginot's alien crisis into high gear. Alien fans, I think we've seen this film before.
When the blood tick laid its tadpoles in Chibuzo's water.
Karen Aldridge in "Alien: Earth." Credit: Patrick Brown/FX
Oh, you thought Xenomorphs were the only aliens the Maginot had to worry about? How foolish! How naive! Why, there are four other alien specimens onboard, and two of them are about to make the crew's nightmares even worse.
SEE ALSO: 'Alien: Earth': All the 'Peter Pan' references so far
First up is the blood tick, which mounts a daring escape from its case and then lays a bunch of tadpoles in science officer Chibuzo's (Karen Aldridge) water canteen. The sequence is a terrifying showcase of how smart these aliens are, but it also serves as a handy lab safety PSA. Never leave open food and water containers out in your lab! You never know what creature will see your yummy snacks and drinks as a breeding ground.
When T. Ocellus made its grand escape.
Eyeball-octopus hybrid T. Ocellus doesn't want the blood ticks to have all the escape fun! So when Chibuzo doesn't securely lock its container away, it takes advantage of her error and escapes. (Side note: Chibuzo please review your lab safety protocols, I beg you.) That means the Maginot has not one, not two, but three alien species out and about. Oh, and that pesky mutineer. When it rains, it pours, right?
When Malachite drank the tick tadpoles.
Jamie Bisping, Karen Aldridge, and Michael Smiley in "Alien: Earth." Credit: Patrick Brown/FX
Things are about to get very bad for poor Malachite, who chugs down Chibuzo's tick-infested water after eating a too-spicy meal. Everything about this scene is an automatic "hell no," especially the sight of the tadpoles swimming around in Chibuzo's canteen. Don't mind me, I'll just be obsessively checking every glass or bottle of water I drink for tadpoles from now on.
When Malachite started vomiting blood.
What happens when you drink blood tick tadpoles? You vomit up a deluge of blood, of course! Now that that knowledge is out of the way, can we please get Malachite some medical attention? (And can we get me a glass of calming, non-tadpole-infested tea?)
When we learned Boy Kavalier was behind the crash all along.
Samuel Blenkin in "Alien: Earth." Credit: Patrick Brown/FX
While the aliens are turning the Maginot into their bloody playground, Morrow is busy playing his own personal game of Among Us to find the Maginot saboteur. Turns out, it was crew member Petrovich (Enzo Cilenti), who's been pretending to be in stasis but is really hijacking the ship. But he wasn't working alone. Video messages reveal that he was in contact with Prodigy CEO Boy Kavalier (Samuel Blenkin), who tasked him with crashing the ship in Prodigy territory so Kavalier could steal the specimens onboard. What would Petrovich get in return? A hybrid body, just like Wendy's (Sydney Chandler). There's just one problem: Only child minds can make the jump to those bodies, so there's no way Kavalier ever planned on following through on his promise. Sucks for Petrovich, but come on, even I can see that "crash your spaceship into Earth for me, then you'll maybe get a robot body" is a raw deal.
SEE ALSO: I love that 'Alien: Earth' trillionaire Boy Kavalier takes calls with his feet
The reveal re-contextualizes the entirety of Alien: Earth up to this point: The crash was no accident, and Kavalier's been in control the entire time. But how long has he been plotting this, and how did he find out about the specimens?
When we saw the ticks in Malachite's body.
When Wendy and the Lost Boys investigated the crashed Maginot, they saw the corpses of the crew, including Malachite's innards. "In Space, No One..." revisits that grisly scene and reveals how it came to be. Not only do we see the ticks chowing down on Malachite's organs (ultra-gross!), we also learn they release a poisoned gas when threatened, which spells the end for Chibuzo and medical officer Rahim (Amir Boutros). Look, we knew it was coming, but that doesn't make it any easier to watch.
When Petrovich delivered the hardest line of the series.
Sometimes, I pause Alien: Earth to freak out about all the alien nastiness going down onscreen. Other times, I pause and rewind to take in a damn good line. In this episode, that honor goes to Petrovich's dying words: "They want their monsters. Here they come."
Hearing that as the aliens rain down terror upon the Maginot? Chills. Chills, I say! Now back to our regularly scheduled panic about aliens.
When the Xenomorph attacked Zaveri.
Richa Moorjani in "Alien: Earth." Credit: Patrick Brown/FX
"In Space, No One..." has been a collection of the Xenomorph's greatest hits, from Facehugger attacks to the full-grown Xenomorph hiding in air ducts and drooling on its next victims. It's frightening, but it's stuff we've seen before in the Alien franchise, which is why T. Ocellus and the blood ticks' antics bring a fresh layer of horror to the show.
Still, I'm human. I tensed way the hell up when Zaveri finally came face to face with the Xenomorph. Between losing her lover and all her crew mates, she's already gone through the worst day of her life. Couldn't we at least end the episode with her getting a spa trip or something? No, she has to get mauled? Bummer.
When T. Ocellus zombified Shmuel.
Throughout Alien: Earth, we've watched T. Ocellus invade a cat body and a sheep body. Here, it levels up again, taking over a human host. The results are predictably terrifying, conjuring up a primal fear over bodily control as T. Ocellus puppets Shmuel's body. I'll be thinking of his herky-jerky movements (and the sight of a tentacle slithering out of his nose) for a long, long time.
SEE ALSO: 'Alien: Earth's eyeball scares me way more than the Xenomorph
When T. Ocellus fought the Xenomorph.
"In Space, No One..." closes out with an alien beatdown for the ages. In one corner, we've got the Xenomorph. You know it, you love it, you don't want to come within 100 feet of it.
In the other corner, we've got T. Ocellus in Shmuel's body. It's far smaller and a newcomer to the Alien franchise, but it's already making a gloppy splash.
Wouldn't you know it, T. Ocellus gives the Xenomorph a run for its money. First, it charges the Xenomorph as Shmuel. Then, once Xenomorph makes quick work of Shmuel's pesky human body, T. Ocellus attacks the Xenomorph with nothing but its bare tentacles. And wouldn't you know it, this teeny tiny eyeball actually manages to scare the tank that is the Xenomorph! I didn't know that was possible, but now, I can't get the idea out of my head: Will T. Ocellus end up in a Xenomorph body at some point? If so, I fear Earth is done for. As if I needed another nightmare after this episode!
Alien: Earth is now streaming on Hulu, with new episodes premiering Tuesdays at 8 p.m. ET on Hulu and FX.
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