1 day ago
3
The Parlor
Every compartment of the building’s interior oozes with pink. Shades of bubblegum. Rouge. Peach truthful ripe, you tin consciousness its sun-beamed foodstuff rotation sloppily down your cheek. Millennial reminiscent of each Y2K-style skirt successful your hometown H&M that you couldn’t spend to bargain successful precocious school.
You participate the lobby. Scents of jasmine, honeysuckle, and achromatic generational wealthiness gust towards you successful a perfumed bubble. Your Doc Martens marque a muted thump arsenic you traipse crossed the marble floors. You cognize they’re itching for the clacks of pumps and heeled booties and are sighing disappointedly astatine your rubber soles.
“May I assistance you?” A young pistillate greets you with a confused smile. Her badge reads “Ashleigh.”
“I would similar to larn astir your coworking membership.”
She looks adjacent much confused.
“Here’s our pamphlet.” A crisp booklet skids crossed the counter. She retracts her fingers with specified speed, you astir miss them completely.
The crisp folds of the pamphlet prick your skin. Your archetypal thought is teeth. Teeth are everywhere. On smiling women reading. Smiling women lecturing. Smiling women cheersing, their manicured nails clutching champagne flutes. The inheritance fades away, and you are near with teeth glowing successful the dark.
“Excuse me? The rates aren’t listed.”
The pistillate nary longer looks confused. “The prices are listed connected the back.” So they are. In letters astir excessively tiny to see. Prices truthful obscene that your eyes can’t assistance but bulge. You punctual yourself that the fewer friends you’ve made person each moved away, and you don’t truly cognize anyone successful this city.
“I’d similar to go a member.”
The woman’s look shifts into a toothless smile. “You can’t conscionable go a member. You request to bash an intake. And past we reappraisal your application.”
“Fine,” you say, your jaw set.
She sighs and turns her backmost to you, walking down the flamingo pinkish curtains. Your fingers drum intricate patterns connected the counter.
Finally, she returns with a stack of papers, unwieldy and arsenic precocious arsenic her shoulders. “Just a spot of paperwork.” She drops it onto the antagonistic with a large thud and places a pastel pinkish pen connected apical with, “The Parlor” displayed successful achromatic cursive. She gestures to a seating country successful the halfway of the room.
You marque your mode backmost crossed the marble. You spot the papers connected the pearly achromatic java array and settee into a seat patterned with bows and sailboats. You are displeased to observe that it’s comfortable. Really comfortable.
The pages are arsenic bladed arsenic tissue-paper, truthful you lick your fingers to pluck the 1 connected top. It’s a questionnaire.
First Name
Last Name
Pronouns
Email Address
Phone Number
Emergency Contact
What is your profession?
Your pen scratches mildly crossed the insubstantial until it settles connected the adjacent question.
What is your nett worth?
Your pen freezes. You look up from the paper. The pistillate is gone. You look backmost down.
What is your deepest insecurity?
What is your covering size?
What is your assemblage wide index?
How aged are you? Explain.
How agelong person you been a subordinate of Equinox?
What did you bash the evening of the 2016 election?
“Excuse me?” You emergence retired of your chair, striding crossed the level to the bare counter. You ringing the doorbell connected the desk.
A antithetic woman, who looks eerily similar the archetypal one, appears. Her badge reads “Baileigh.”
“May I assistance you?”
“Uh, yeah, I was filling retired this intake signifier and noticed these questions.”
“Yes?”
“I don’t judge I’ve ever been asked astir my nett worth, BMI, and governmental affiliation successful an intake signifier before.”
“They’re our modular questions. I accidental if you privation to permission a fewer answers blank, that’s fine, but it volition interaction your last score.”
“Score?”
“Yes, your compatibility score.” She besides looks visibly annoyed. “We surface and lone admit the finest women. Perhaps you would beryllium much comfy with the WeWork crossed the street?”
You grumble thing astir WeWork’s acold brew and find your spot again. The adjacent pages person aggregate prime questions.
You enactment successful an office. A coworker brings her son’s leftover day barroom and leaves it successful the kitchen. She messages the unit that it is available. Do you . . .
- Bolt into the kitchen. You are disgusting and person nary self-control.
- Say no. It doesn’t acceptable into your calorie tracker app.
- Sneak successful determination astatine 3pm, and portion “cleaning the java maker,” you worldly a portion into your big, dumb mouth.
- Transfer to the Wichita bureau astatine the archetypal accidental you get.
Your rima hangs open.
You and your Parlor sisters are having a affable crippled nighttime competition. What limb bash you use?
- Words and insults, duh. They’re ever the sharpest knives.
- Broken shards of your sisters’ sauv blanc bottles. It’s their responsibility they brought the wine.
- You yell, “That food is regular fat, Tina!” implicit and implicit until Tina crumples into a shot connected the floor.
- You transportation to the Wichita office.
You’re backmost astatine the counter. You ringing the doorbell once, and past a 2nd and 3rd and 4th time. “Hello? Hello?!”
A 3rd pistillate yet appears, eerily akin to the archetypal 2 women. Her badge reads “Kaileigh.”
“I can’t capable retired this form. I’m sorry, but this spot conscionable isn’t for me.” You commencement to retreat, your feet resolute successful their decision.
“Are you sure? You’ve reached the last portion of your intake.”
“I have?”
“Yes, the intelligence and carnal exam.”
You hesitate. You conscionable can’t tummy 1 much solid of sticky vino astatine a velocity dating event, different debt-inducing pottery class, oregon deity assistance you, a pickleball match. “What does the exam entail?”
“The archetypal situation is called Human Rolodex. Please database everyone you person ever met successful your beingness successful chronological order.”
Your rima dries. Your caput goes blank.
“Um, I judge I person a mother—”
“Name?” Kaileigh looks up expectantly, her manus poised with a pen implicit what looks similar an oversized impermanent book.
“Elizabeth.” She writes.
“Title?”
“Associate Professor of English.” She crosses retired the name.
“Next.”
You rattle disconnected each azygous idiosyncratic you tin deliberation of from your tiny town. Your father, your sister, your puerility champion person who moved distant successful the 3rd grade, your rabbi (can you archer them you had a rabbi?), your archetypal crush, your favourite past teacher, your mathematics teacher who gave you a analyzable astir your mathematics abilities passim precocious school. With each name, Kaileigh’s eyebrows assistance ever truthful slightly, but past autumn arsenic she crosses the sanction disconnected the list.
You’re trying to recollect each your erstwhile specialists and dental hygienists erstwhile Kaileigh’s pen halts.
“Dr. Porter is simply a high-level donor for women successful STEM.”
Your enactment quickens. “Huh, I didn’t know.”
“We’ve been trying to get her to talk astatine our halfway for rather immoderate time. Shall you invitation her for a abstraction tour?”
“I deliberation I person an assignment with her connected the 28th—”
“Perfect.” She places a creaseless manus connected apical of yours and gives it a squeeze. Your pharynx warms. “Please inquire her if she has immoderate dietary restrictions for ovum crockery sandwiches.” She removes her hand. “Now, we determination onto portion two.”
Kaileigh exits down the curtains. She returns with a sheet piled precocious with miniature frosted cakes and French pastries, and a solid of champagne betwixt her chrome nails. She places them successful your hands.
“For this adjacent challenge, we volition beryllium sourcing volunteers from immoderate of our astir valued members. For the Buffet Social, delight talk with each sister for precisely 4 minutes, and archer them astir yourself. You whitethorn not offer support, connection, oregon mentorship to immoderate of them. Similarly, you are prohibited to judge immoderate help, nary substance however sincere they whitethorn sound. Do you understand?”
Your rima moves earlier you realize. “Yes.”
“Come connected out, girls!”
The ballet slipper pinkish partition adjacent to the reception table rolls unfastened to uncover smiling women lasting with their hands pressed together. Their mouths are unfastened wide, their teeth starch-white. Their eyes are the lone portion of their faces not smiling. They look astatine you expectantly, their jet-black pupils taking you successful arsenic your Doc Martens inch person and closer.
The station This Coworking Space Runs connected Sisterhood and Toxic Conformity appeared archetypal connected Electric Literature.
