6 days ago
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content copied from Wikipedia:Peer review/Kočani nightclub fire/archive1; see that page's history for attribution
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Just a few suggestions. ''Pace'' a reviewer above, but I might offer it to the folk at [[WP:GOCE]]; the prose could be tweaked to tighten /remove repetition. {{hat|Examples (but avoiding [[WP:FIXLOOP]])}}E.g... Pulse only needs mentioning the first time, and night club can be reduced to club (also consider premises, building etc depending on context); drywall ... drywall; 2.32 is not an approximation; "survivor" three in a row; "Per witnesses">"witnesses and the band's manager stated..."; "this include'''s'''"; "hospitalized in hospitals"; 4 April ... 7 April"; "media outlets" X4 in Funerals section.
{{hab}}
* "expressed confusion": Is that the phrase the source uses?
* "there was no written contract between the band and the club owners": What band? {{Green|Removed, not relevant to that section anyway}}
* What's low ceilings got to do with capacity?
* The para "An inspection after the fire revealed...": Is the Background section the best place for material on the investigation?
* Is an "emergency electricity disconnect" a [[trip switch]]? {{Green|Yes, fixed - I didn't know what they were called in English}}
* Is there an inline conversion template for MKD>USD/EUR?
* Also, Kostadinov's award might be better in Aftermath too. {{Green|Done, moved to "Response" section}}
* "Authorities rushed dozens ... Štip, Kočani and Skopje": This seems to be repeated in the injuries section (where it fits better). Also, these places should be wikilinked (as Vinica is earlier).
* In fact, most of the places mentioned throughout the article should be linked on first occurrence.
* What's a minor in North Macedonia? {{Green|Added footnote with explanation}}
* "This was the deadliest nightclub fire ... fire in North Macedonia's history": Suggest moving to Investigation. (Also note repetition of "deadliest".)
* Why weren't all patrons carrying ID?
* "Overexertion" could be linked.
* Move Gocevski's colleague's social media post/Health Ministry comment to aftermath.
* Mrs Gjorgjieski's pleas re, social media might fit better into the Funerals section, where the AAAMS makes a similar request.
* Perhaps move Cvetkovska's theory to a footnote; the important bit is the asbestos in the ceiling and the mesothelioma concerns. {{Green|Done, moved to footnote}}
* "On 18 March" should go before the April deaths.
* Vučić taking off his mask, and others not wearing them, is obviously making a point, but it's currently unclear what that point is. If it's relevant enough for inclusion, explain why; if not, remove.
* [[Directorate-General for European Civil Protection and Humanitarian Aid Operations|Link]] civil protection program.
* Military-Medical Academy or Military Medical Academy? {{Green|Fixed, all instances now use the latter}}
* Was only one funeral held in Kočani?
* Do we know what the unnamed foreign reports had said to incense the NM government so much? (Or is it the same as the footage of graves etc mentioned in the next sentence? (But if so, then they are very much named outlets, surely?))
* In fact the social media concerns are sufficient to justify their own subsection; there's more substantive discussion on them than on the funerals.
* The mayor stepping down, etc, should be clarified to explain why a) the crowd called for him to "appear" and b) why he had already by then resigned (wouldn’t they have already known that? (And I suggest resign is a better word than "stepped down", but wouldn't push it).)
* "the same individual associated with the Pulse nightclub": is curiously vague. "{{tl|Who}}"
* "massive": [[WP:TABLOID]]. {{Green|Removed}}
* What is a "timely notice"?
* As it varies by country, I suggest a footnote to explain NM law surrounding drones.
* Aftermath might be better titled e.g. Vigils and protests {{Green|Done}}
* And perhaps move the Investigation section before it; at the moment you have people protesting against (presumably) corruption without having actually mentioned corruption. {{Green|Done}}
* H'mmm. Surely it either had a licence or not, though?
* We've gone all this time without finding out who ''owned'' Pulse?! Needs mentioning much earlier.
* "the nightclub owner's": that would be Jovanov then
* Might link [[house arrest]].
* What's your criteria for [[WP:REDYES]] wrt some members of government (e.g. Bekteshi, Neziri, Saliu) but not others (e.g. Đurović). Also, Mickoski (the Prime Minister!) isn't linked at all.
* Re. Public response: seems more like the response of organisations rather than the public (whose very forthright response has already been covered above). {{Green|Changed to just "Response"}}
* Abbreviate AAAMS now that it's on its second use.
* Why was the restriction against foreign music lifted?
* If that currency conversion template is around, it can be used for these amounts too.
* Finally, suggest [[MOS:ALT]] (<code>|alt=</code>) for the images.{{pb}}Nice article; i hope these points/suggestions help. FYI I've reviewed to FAC level rather than GA; I assume that was what you wanted since nowadays I pretty much only review the former rather than the latter. As another mentioned above, it's probably GA-class already, but with a few tweaks, a bit of polish and some structural rearrangement, it could be closer to FA than GA. So you might want to think about that next step, if you haven't done so already :){{pb}}Congratulations on taking such a terrible tragedy and successfully writing it up neutrally and encyclopedically. (BTW I'm under the impression that you don't need to mark off, comment on or otherwise respond to my suggestions as you would be expected to at GAC/FAC, although of course you're allowed to by all means. Not a problem!) ''[[User:Fortuna imperatrix mundi|Fortuna,]] [[Special:Contributions/Fortuna imperatrix mundi|Imperatrix]] [[User talk:Fortuna imperatrix mundi|Mundi]]'' 13:01, 27 April 2025 (UTC)
{{hab}}
* "expressed confusion": Is that the phrase the source uses?
* "there was no written contract between the band and the club owners": What band? {{Green|Removed, not relevant to that section anyway}}
* What's low ceilings got to do with capacity?
* The para "An inspection after the fire revealed...": Is the Background section the best place for material on the investigation?
* Is an "emergency electricity disconnect" a [[trip switch]]? {{Green|Yes, fixed - I didn't know what they were called in English}}
* Is there an inline conversion template for MKD>USD/EUR?
* Also, Kostadinov's award might be better in Aftermath too. {{Green|Done, moved to "Response" section}}
* "Authorities rushed dozens ... Štip, Kočani and Skopje": This seems to be repeated in the injuries section (where it fits better). Also, these places should be wikilinked (as Vinica is earlier).
* In fact, most of the places mentioned throughout the article should be linked on first occurrence.
* What's a minor in North Macedonia? {{Green|Added footnote with explanation}}
* "This was the deadliest nightclub fire ... fire in North Macedonia's history": Suggest moving to Investigation. (Also note repetition of "deadliest".)
* Why weren't all patrons carrying ID?
* "Overexertion" could be linked.
* Move Gocevski's colleague's social media post/Health Ministry comment to aftermath.
* Mrs Gjorgjieski's pleas re, social media might fit better into the Funerals section, where the AAAMS makes a similar request.
* Perhaps move Cvetkovska's theory to a footnote; the important bit is the asbestos in the ceiling and the mesothelioma concerns. {{Green|Done, moved to footnote}}
* "On 18 March" should go before the April deaths.
* Vučić taking off his mask, and others not wearing them, is obviously making a point, but it's currently unclear what that point is. If it's relevant enough for inclusion, explain why; if not, remove.
* [[Directorate-General for European Civil Protection and Humanitarian Aid Operations|Link]] civil protection program.
* Military-Medical Academy or Military Medical Academy? {{Green|Fixed, all instances now use the latter}}
* Was only one funeral held in Kočani?
* Do we know what the unnamed foreign reports had said to incense the NM government so much? (Or is it the same as the footage of graves etc mentioned in the next sentence? (But if so, then they are very much named outlets, surely?))
* In fact the social media concerns are sufficient to justify their own subsection; there's more substantive discussion on them than on the funerals.
* The mayor stepping down, etc, should be clarified to explain why a) the crowd called for him to "appear" and b) why he had already by then resigned (wouldn’t they have already known that? (And I suggest resign is a better word than "stepped down", but wouldn't push it).)
* "the same individual associated with the Pulse nightclub": is curiously vague. "{{tl|Who}}"
* "massive": [[WP:TABLOID]]. {{Green|Removed}}
* What is a "timely notice"?
* As it varies by country, I suggest a footnote to explain NM law surrounding drones.
* Aftermath might be better titled e.g. Vigils and protests {{Green|Done}}
* And perhaps move the Investigation section before it; at the moment you have people protesting against (presumably) corruption without having actually mentioned corruption. {{Green|Done}}
* H'mmm. Surely it either had a licence or not, though?
* We've gone all this time without finding out who ''owned'' Pulse?! Needs mentioning much earlier.
* "the nightclub owner's": that would be Jovanov then
* Might link [[house arrest]].
* What's your criteria for [[WP:REDYES]] wrt some members of government (e.g. Bekteshi, Neziri, Saliu) but not others (e.g. Đurović). Also, Mickoski (the Prime Minister!) isn't linked at all.
* Re. Public response: seems more like the response of organisations rather than the public (whose very forthright response has already been covered above). {{Green|Changed to just "Response"}}
* Abbreviate AAAMS now that it's on its second use.
* Why was the restriction against foreign music lifted?
* If that currency conversion template is around, it can be used for these amounts too.
* Finally, suggest [[MOS:ALT]] (<code>|alt=</code>) for the images.{{pb}}Nice article; i hope these points/suggestions help. FYI I've reviewed to FAC level rather than GA; I assume that was what you wanted since nowadays I pretty much only review the former rather than the latter. As another mentioned above, it's probably GA-class already, but with a few tweaks, a bit of polish and some structural rearrangement, it could be closer to FA than GA. So you might want to think about that next step, if you haven't done so already :){{pb}}Congratulations on taking such a terrible tragedy and successfully writing it up neutrally and encyclopedically. (BTW I'm under the impression that you don't need to mark off, comment on or otherwise respond to my suggestions as you would be expected to at GAC/FAC, although of course you're allowed to by all means. Not a problem!) ''[[User:Fortuna imperatrix mundi|Fortuna,]] [[Special:Contributions/Fortuna imperatrix mundi|Imperatrix]] [[User talk:Fortuna imperatrix mundi|Mundi]]'' 13:01, 27 April 2025 (UTC)
