U
/u/ElSelo
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Hi, Iβm a 22M and Iβve been struggling with something thatβs been affecting my ability to enjoy sex. I have a hard time feeling emotional connection during sex.. The only way Iβve been able to experience true pleasure is in situations where thereβs a clear dynamic of control either feeling like Iβm completely in charge and βusingβ the other person, or the other way around, feeling like I am a tool to make the other person feel pleasure and aroused, but without caring about my own pleasure. For example, if I am in the second, if the girl tries to stimulate me or give me pelasure in any way it just feel akward to me and I do not like it. And in the first one I really need to feel I have all the control and the other person is just more like an object. I know, I am ashamed of this and I hate it.
This likely comes from my past. As a teenager, I was in a relationship with someone much older who locked me in her house for weeks, drugged me and abused me. Since then, Iβve found it extremely difficult to form emotional connections not just with romantic or sexual partners, but with people in general even though that kind of closeness is what I want most.
Because of this, sex only works for me in one-directional ways. I donβt get satisfaction from mutual giving and receiving; it has to be about giving or receiving, in a clear dynamic of power or submission.
Iβm unsure how to move forward and would really appreciate advice from anyone whoβs experienced something similar or has suggestions on how to develop emotional connection safely
Oh, and just so you don't worry, I had the tools and the help I needed when all of that happened when I was a teenager, the only thing that really affects me now about that is this sex and emotional conection problem.
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This likely comes from my past. As a teenager, I was in a relationship with someone much older who locked me in her house for weeks, drugged me and abused me. Since then, Iβve found it extremely difficult to form emotional connections not just with romantic or sexual partners, but with people in general even though that kind of closeness is what I want most.
Because of this, sex only works for me in one-directional ways. I donβt get satisfaction from mutual giving and receiving; it has to be about giving or receiving, in a clear dynamic of power or submission.
Iβm unsure how to move forward and would really appreciate advice from anyone whoβs experienced something similar or has suggestions on how to develop emotional connection safely
Oh, and just so you don't worry, I had the tools and the help I needed when all of that happened when I was a teenager, the only thing that really affects me now about that is this sex and emotional conection problem.
submitted by /u/ElSelo
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