S
Shaant
Guest
I realized patience, gratitude, and conflict skills gave me more strength than degrees or promotions ever did.
Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash
A glass breaks in the kitchen, and everyone rushes to sweep the shards.
What I notice is how my friend routinely fills his glass right to the brim. Thereβs no room for a careless hand to grab it.
That little detail tells me more about him than the glass being broken.
Attention is one of those super-powerful and overlooked skills we were never taught. But it keeps unlocking doors for me.
I started to see it all unfold when I moved into a small flat during my college years in the US.
A silent roommate never spoke, but seeing how his shoes were aligned perfectly by the door told me he enjoyed things being orderly.
I began cleaning our counter without him asking. He started picking up my late-night snacks when I forgot my wallet.
Relationships are not based around big projects. Theyβre built on the act of seeing one anotherβs unspoken needs.
Observation has also been helpful for me in my work life.
Early in my career in fintech, a senior colleague asked me why I could always catch minor discrepancies in data reports before anyone else. I explained that I simply noticed when the font in a table didnβt match the rest of the document.
That level of attention quickly compounded into noticing bigger mistakes before they started showing up as problems.
People tend to think that success comes from doing more or knowing more.
But it is often simply about noticing what others fail to notice.
People respect you more when you know how to handle conflict
I once thought being βgoodβ meant avoiding conflict.
But that silence often led to feelings of being steamrolled or ignored, especially in group projects or family events.
I eventually recognized conflict is rarely a bad thing. It is how we hold the conflict that becomes a real skill.
When I was in India, I remember standing in front of a lecture hall and one student challenged me about the grading process.
My immediate instinct was to defend myself.
Instead, I waited, I took a breath, and said, βTell me what feels unfair to you.β
That simple sentence shifted the whole room.
He talked about the grading, others chimed in, and I was no longer a target, but a co-pilot in seeking a resolution.
Learning how to be honest and disagree calmly instead of getting red-faced changed how my colleagues saw me too.
During a very heated strategy meeting on fintech, I calmly said, βI understand your perspective, but I feel weβre looking at the wrong numbers.β
No one raised their voice, no one made a personal attack, and we stayed focused on ideas.
Later, a colleague pulled me aside and said, βYou are one of the very few people who can say βnoβ without shutting others down.β
Thatβs the moment I realized respect doesnβt come from agreeing with people.
It comes from learning to stand firm without shaking the ground.
Gratitude makes ordinary life feel rich
When I was younger, I thought gratitude was a way of saying thank you to people.
Now I know it is about seeing what could have gone wrong and didnβt.
Take the night my girlfriend and I were on a trip and we missed the last train back and ended up sitting on the floor of the station just waiting for morning.
Tired and frustrated, we sat there until I started laughing about our lack of planning.
I then realized we were still together, we were still laughing, and those situations were the story we would tell.
The night was uncomfortable, but it was also an experience I would never forget.
I have carried that perspective into my work.
A good example is when one of my coworkers stayed late to help me finish a financial model.
I didnβt just thank him. The next morning I wrote him a note to explain how much his assistance that night meant, because it was allowing me to meet a deadline that I had been ready to blow.
Many months later he told me about that note and how he still kept it on the corner of his desk because he did not think anyone had appreciated him like that in the past.
Gratitude is not expensive, yet it multiplies whatever we might have.
When I am alone, gratitude still impacts how I see myself.
On anxiety-induced days when I am reminded that I am βbehind,β I remember the boy from India who studied under the flickering streetlights.
That boy did not even fathom a life where, while I get to work with numbers, travel, and love, he had no idea.
Gratitude continues to reign me in when I am trying to measure myself against another person.
Kindness and patience are more powerful than we admit
Patience may not be front-page news, but its ability to shape how others feel in your presence is remarkable.
When Iβm in packed Indian markets, I watch as men yell at vendors about five rupees. One day, I decided it wasnβt worth the stress to hurry an old woman who was counting change.
With each 10 rupees the lady counted, I paced myself softly and quietly. But she would look up and smile at me as though I had given her some heavy gold.
Little patience creates a little trust, and trust can make your life infinitely easier.
The same can be said for kindness.
In my past, I believed kindness was simply being soft. Rather, in understanding, Iβve come to see that it can be an anchor.
I had a time with a colleague in New York who repeatedly missed deadlines and was all kinds of trouble for me. I could have complained to my manager but chose to extend him an invitation for coffee.
What he confided was he was struggling with his mental health and depression.
After the coffee meeting, we worked out a new way to collect documents, and eventually, he let me know that my patience took him off the edge and convinced him to not quit altogether.
That lesson taught me a great deal about kindness.
Kindness is not weakness. Rather, itβs the groundwork for a better world.
Everywhere I see, life appears to reward our fast-paced lives and elbows-out approach to living.
However, I realize the many underrated skills that continue to push my life forward seem to be absent.
Noticing little things, troubleshooting conflicts with dignity, being grateful, and being kind. These are the practical and evident skills that will build who I will become in the future.
Although they do not allow me to use my voice louder, they do allow me to be present more firmly.
What stays with me in the end
As I reflect on the past, I have realized that the changes I made in my life were never as grand as skills or techniques.
They were simple habits that dulled the rough edges of difficult days and attracted humans to walk alongside me.
Life is chaotic enough.
What we need are skills that offer us support.
Patience is stronger than pride.
Small Life Skills That Made Me Stronger in Work and Love was originally published in EduCreate on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
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