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/u/imliterallyjustvibin
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I (F25) have a very hard time initiating sex with my partner (M25). Weβve been together for 5 years, and the last few years we probably on average have sex like less than once a month, itβs probably been 2-3 months since the last time we had sex. Weβre both not super sexual anymore, I donβt really think about it much. But when I do want it I hardly ever communicate it to him. When I do itβs very rare and Iβm very shy about it, which he doesnβt like. He wants me to be confident about it but Iβm just not.
It feels incredibly embarrassing to express something like that. And even more embarrassing if I get rejected. It feels like I shouldnβt want to be sexual or express sexual desire. Which I donβt understand because Iβm aware that sexual desires are healthy and normal and human. But it just feels like so embarrassing that I want that.
I have a feeling this stems from multiple problems such as the fact that Iβm autistic so I donβt know how to express myself in a way that doesnβt feel performative or struggling with knowing what to say or how to act. I also grew up in a very strict Christian conservative home that did not talk about sex at all. I also struggle with confidence in my appearance and feel like sex is something that someone that looks like me shouldnβt want.
What do I do, I feel ashamed for this whole situation because itβs putting stress on my bf too.
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It feels incredibly embarrassing to express something like that. And even more embarrassing if I get rejected. It feels like I shouldnβt want to be sexual or express sexual desire. Which I donβt understand because Iβm aware that sexual desires are healthy and normal and human. But it just feels like so embarrassing that I want that.
I have a feeling this stems from multiple problems such as the fact that Iβm autistic so I donβt know how to express myself in a way that doesnβt feel performative or struggling with knowing what to say or how to act. I also grew up in a very strict Christian conservative home that did not talk about sex at all. I also struggle with confidence in my appearance and feel like sex is something that someone that looks like me shouldnβt want.
What do I do, I feel ashamed for this whole situation because itβs putting stress on my bf too.
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