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/u/Potential-Handle283
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Hello,
So, this is gonna be a long one, as thereโs a lot of detail to give, and a lot of nuance. I am a man with a paraphilia, a fetish for women popping balloons. I donโt get much out of doing it myself, and view it as a type of advanced foreplay. Personally, I hate having it, and wish it were literally anything else. On the flip side, while I enjoy vanilla intercourse quite thoroughly thoughts of this action being performed enter my head every single time I engage in it, and I find the thought of this fetish never being engaged with in a way that suits my desires to be very distressing. Very little is discussed explicitly in this post, but I marked it NSFW to be on the safe side.
To give a bit of background on me personally, Iโve never been lucky in love. I suffer from an anxious attachment type, with the traits preoccupied and insecure. I am overweight and genuinely hate my body, though these thoughts are much much less distressing to me than they used to be, and are batted away with only slight difficulty. I am terrified of being seen as clingy, needy, or pushy, and engage in very careful, measured communication with partners to compensate. Iโve had many relationships, a sexless highschool relationship which was quite literally just a friendship with kissing, a slew of drug fueled flings in my years spent addicted to opioids and alcohol and everything else mood/mind altering, one following those that ended in cheating, one following that in which I was much more her housemaid than her boyfriend (stayed two years for some reason), and one following that where, unbeknownst to me, my new partner was actually engaged and they were on a break before their wedding. This had led to me unhealthily focusing on issues and misalignments in relationships and scrutinizing every minute shift in the vibe.
Throughout this relationship history, Iโve had my fetish engaged with a few times, and the results wereโฆterrible. One girl couldnโt hide her disgust during the act whatsoever, and revealed my fetish to all of our mutual friends when we split (with evidence). One tried to monetize it, and wound up favoring using it to please other men on her onlyfans and never doing it with me after that began. One said โDude no, thatโs so weird.โ and broke up with me after my confession. All of these admittances occurred multiple months into the relationship. This is a fetish I have had all my life and not a single time have I ever been able to have an enjoyable experience with it. I do not require my partner to โget offโ on this the same way I do, but it at least requires the other person to have a bit of fun/enjoyment with it. I take no pleasure from acts done in pity or against the wishes of others.
And now, Iโm more than half a year into my new relationship. Sheโsโฆgenuinely perfect. Prioritizes me, cares about how Iโm feeling, listens and engages with my incessant need for validation, cooks me meals, remembers our anniversaries, gets along amazingly with my son and family, etc. This is the first relationship where Iโve put myself and my needs first and seen that rewarded positively. I have absolutely nothing negative to say about this woman. Sheโs a blessing to me, and despite us living an hour and a half apart, she makes me feel blessed all the time. I love her deeply, and I feel deeply loved.
The one area where we diverge though, is sex. Whereas I have a high sex drive and specific needs, she is much more passive and has a lot of shame-inducing trauma related to sex and seems to experience anxiety regarding anything related to intimacy. We do not share scandalous pictures, she does not flirt with me, she cannot reply to my flirting with anything aside from โthank youโ or a laugh, she does not reach out to touch me first in an intimate way, she does not touch my genitalia, and if we do talk about sex even in generalities, the mood is very tense. She has never declined my advances due to sheer unwillingness to my knowledge, but due to us only seeing each other on the weekends we have limited opportunities for intimacy. Then you add in her periods, which are painful and intense and stop her from desiring sex. Then her bed broke for a while, which stopped us. Plus I live with my parents due to being a single father, and we cannot have sex there because someone is always home and awake. In a little more than half a year, we have had sex less than ten times. Now, despite this being mostly a situational issue, due to my self esteem I feel disgusting, unattractive, unfuckable, etc etc, despite many MANY reassurances that this isnโt the case. Iโm getting adept to coping with this, slowly.
However, then thereโs the matter of the fetish. She is scared of loud, sudden noises. When I told her I had this fetish, she was so nice, so accepting, she didnโt make me feel like a freak or a pervert. I got my hopes up during the first part of that talk. Then, she told me about her fear, and how it would scare her cats, and essentially said โIโm so sorry, but I canโt help you with this.โ Iโve been laser focused on that ever since. This isnโt just about release, to me. Itโs about someone taking that part of you that you hate, and that everyone else seems to hate, too, and saying โI love you enough to try and like this.โ I havenโt been brave enough to ask if sheโd consider trying, taking it slow, figuring this out, making something work. We canโt even discuss vanilla sex yet. I wish I hadnโt said anything in the first place, at least then I couldโve held onto the hope/fantasy of it all. I thought about it so much that I essentially gave myself momentary ED, a few months back. I love all of her, and I wish it were possible for all of me to be loved, too. Itโs taking a toll on me.
So, if youโve had the patience to read all this (thank you btw)โฆwhat do I do here? I feel pretty stuck.
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So, this is gonna be a long one, as thereโs a lot of detail to give, and a lot of nuance. I am a man with a paraphilia, a fetish for women popping balloons. I donโt get much out of doing it myself, and view it as a type of advanced foreplay. Personally, I hate having it, and wish it were literally anything else. On the flip side, while I enjoy vanilla intercourse quite thoroughly thoughts of this action being performed enter my head every single time I engage in it, and I find the thought of this fetish never being engaged with in a way that suits my desires to be very distressing. Very little is discussed explicitly in this post, but I marked it NSFW to be on the safe side.
To give a bit of background on me personally, Iโve never been lucky in love. I suffer from an anxious attachment type, with the traits preoccupied and insecure. I am overweight and genuinely hate my body, though these thoughts are much much less distressing to me than they used to be, and are batted away with only slight difficulty. I am terrified of being seen as clingy, needy, or pushy, and engage in very careful, measured communication with partners to compensate. Iโve had many relationships, a sexless highschool relationship which was quite literally just a friendship with kissing, a slew of drug fueled flings in my years spent addicted to opioids and alcohol and everything else mood/mind altering, one following those that ended in cheating, one following that in which I was much more her housemaid than her boyfriend (stayed two years for some reason), and one following that where, unbeknownst to me, my new partner was actually engaged and they were on a break before their wedding. This had led to me unhealthily focusing on issues and misalignments in relationships and scrutinizing every minute shift in the vibe.
Throughout this relationship history, Iโve had my fetish engaged with a few times, and the results wereโฆterrible. One girl couldnโt hide her disgust during the act whatsoever, and revealed my fetish to all of our mutual friends when we split (with evidence). One tried to monetize it, and wound up favoring using it to please other men on her onlyfans and never doing it with me after that began. One said โDude no, thatโs so weird.โ and broke up with me after my confession. All of these admittances occurred multiple months into the relationship. This is a fetish I have had all my life and not a single time have I ever been able to have an enjoyable experience with it. I do not require my partner to โget offโ on this the same way I do, but it at least requires the other person to have a bit of fun/enjoyment with it. I take no pleasure from acts done in pity or against the wishes of others.
And now, Iโm more than half a year into my new relationship. Sheโsโฆgenuinely perfect. Prioritizes me, cares about how Iโm feeling, listens and engages with my incessant need for validation, cooks me meals, remembers our anniversaries, gets along amazingly with my son and family, etc. This is the first relationship where Iโve put myself and my needs first and seen that rewarded positively. I have absolutely nothing negative to say about this woman. Sheโs a blessing to me, and despite us living an hour and a half apart, she makes me feel blessed all the time. I love her deeply, and I feel deeply loved.
The one area where we diverge though, is sex. Whereas I have a high sex drive and specific needs, she is much more passive and has a lot of shame-inducing trauma related to sex and seems to experience anxiety regarding anything related to intimacy. We do not share scandalous pictures, she does not flirt with me, she cannot reply to my flirting with anything aside from โthank youโ or a laugh, she does not reach out to touch me first in an intimate way, she does not touch my genitalia, and if we do talk about sex even in generalities, the mood is very tense. She has never declined my advances due to sheer unwillingness to my knowledge, but due to us only seeing each other on the weekends we have limited opportunities for intimacy. Then you add in her periods, which are painful and intense and stop her from desiring sex. Then her bed broke for a while, which stopped us. Plus I live with my parents due to being a single father, and we cannot have sex there because someone is always home and awake. In a little more than half a year, we have had sex less than ten times. Now, despite this being mostly a situational issue, due to my self esteem I feel disgusting, unattractive, unfuckable, etc etc, despite many MANY reassurances that this isnโt the case. Iโm getting adept to coping with this, slowly.
However, then thereโs the matter of the fetish. She is scared of loud, sudden noises. When I told her I had this fetish, she was so nice, so accepting, she didnโt make me feel like a freak or a pervert. I got my hopes up during the first part of that talk. Then, she told me about her fear, and how it would scare her cats, and essentially said โIโm so sorry, but I canโt help you with this.โ Iโve been laser focused on that ever since. This isnโt just about release, to me. Itโs about someone taking that part of you that you hate, and that everyone else seems to hate, too, and saying โI love you enough to try and like this.โ I havenโt been brave enough to ask if sheโd consider trying, taking it slow, figuring this out, making something work. We canโt even discuss vanilla sex yet. I wish I hadnโt said anything in the first place, at least then I couldโve held onto the hope/fantasy of it all. I thought about it so much that I essentially gave myself momentary ED, a few months back. I love all of her, and I wish it were possible for all of me to be loved, too. Itโs taking a toll on me.
So, if youโve had the patience to read all this (thank you btw)โฆwhat do I do here? I feel pretty stuck.
submitted by /u/Potential-Handle283
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