U
/u/eternallyConfused08
Guest
our marriage has been...hard. Even without kids my wife (34f) and i (35m) have struggled to maintain an active sex life despite both being very sexual creatures. We didn't start having sex until about 3 years into our relationship for religious reasons (she eventually left her church) so by the time we started having sex we had developed a very strong bond.
The problem seems to be from me. She got tired of being the one to initiate long ago, and i guess i just don't feel any sexual chemistry there anymore. For a while it would be good once we did finally get started, but lately we have just both been so in our heads about it that even when we do make it happen it usually falls apart pretty quickly.
She requires very intense vibrational stimulation and i know that is pretty normal and i don't mean to have an ego about it, but it just leaves me feeling sort of pointless in the equation. Like, i sorta just end up lying next to her while she masturbates...i feel like i could leave the room and she wouldn't even notice. She doesn't really respond to or seem to want any other form of stimulation at the same time, except maybe penetration, but there's no way i can penetrate her with such strong vibration without prematurely ejaculating.
I do my best to stay engaged when that happens, but i made the mistake of telling her that once i ejaculate its really hard to feel turned on again for a while and she took great offense to this because i 'dont care about her pleasure' and now there i have this whole new layer of fear around sex because prematurely ejaculating triggers that feeling in her.
I guess maybe she is right? Maybe i am not putting enough effort into pleasuring her. I usually give her a lot of oral which she likes, but yeah like i said, in order for her to really get anything, she has to use the vibe and i guess i just don't really know how to engage with her at that point...
We have talked about all of this stuff at length, but it feels like the more we talk about it, the more pressure it puts on next time and every time things dont go well it builds more and more resentment and fear around sex. This has been going on for like 8 years now and it fucking sucks. I feel like we burned our best years having shitty sex and its just completely eroded my desire for her and the health of the relationship in general. I love her dearly and i dont want to let her down or hurt her, but especially as i write this i am really starting to feel like we should cut our losses and break up. She needs someone else and i don't think i can handle an open marriage.
Any advice and/or support is appreciated. Tough love too i suppose. I probably don't look great here.
submitted by /u/eternallyConfused08
[link] [comments]
View Full Post
The problem seems to be from me. She got tired of being the one to initiate long ago, and i guess i just don't feel any sexual chemistry there anymore. For a while it would be good once we did finally get started, but lately we have just both been so in our heads about it that even when we do make it happen it usually falls apart pretty quickly.
She requires very intense vibrational stimulation and i know that is pretty normal and i don't mean to have an ego about it, but it just leaves me feeling sort of pointless in the equation. Like, i sorta just end up lying next to her while she masturbates...i feel like i could leave the room and she wouldn't even notice. She doesn't really respond to or seem to want any other form of stimulation at the same time, except maybe penetration, but there's no way i can penetrate her with such strong vibration without prematurely ejaculating.
I do my best to stay engaged when that happens, but i made the mistake of telling her that once i ejaculate its really hard to feel turned on again for a while and she took great offense to this because i 'dont care about her pleasure' and now there i have this whole new layer of fear around sex because prematurely ejaculating triggers that feeling in her.
I guess maybe she is right? Maybe i am not putting enough effort into pleasuring her. I usually give her a lot of oral which she likes, but yeah like i said, in order for her to really get anything, she has to use the vibe and i guess i just don't really know how to engage with her at that point...
We have talked about all of this stuff at length, but it feels like the more we talk about it, the more pressure it puts on next time and every time things dont go well it builds more and more resentment and fear around sex. This has been going on for like 8 years now and it fucking sucks. I feel like we burned our best years having shitty sex and its just completely eroded my desire for her and the health of the relationship in general. I love her dearly and i dont want to let her down or hurt her, but especially as i write this i am really starting to feel like we should cut our losses and break up. She needs someone else and i don't think i can handle an open marriage.
Any advice and/or support is appreciated. Tough love too i suppose. I probably don't look great here.
submitted by /u/eternallyConfused08
[link] [comments]
View Full Post
