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Andrea Romeo RN, BN
Guest
With my fertile years in the rearview mirror, hereโs my take on the pros and cons of choosing a child-free life.
Photo by Maksim Goncharenok. Pexels.com
I never wanted to be a mother. Maybe itโs my neurodiversity or my fierce independence, but I am simply not wired with the desire for children that seems so natural and inherent to everyone else. I donโt hate kids, theyโre fine. I love my niece and nephews, and Iโm happy to be in the lives of my partnerโs three daughters who are all awesome young human beings. I just never wanted to raise a child of my own.
Iโve thought about it. I even convinced myself at one point in my life to actively try for pregnancy (chalk it up to the things we do for love). But my heart was never in it, and I was secretly relieved when those efforts failed.
Still, parenthood is one of the most meaningful and transformational things a person can do with their life. Itโs hard not to reflect on passing that up. Did I make the right decision not to have kids? At 49, standing on the edge of 50, I can honestly say: Yes, I did.
Itโs not just me
Itโs not just spinsters and weirdos choosing a child-free life. In a 2025 University of Michigan study, 21% of the adult respondents said they never wanted children, confirming earlier findings that researchers believe reflect wider US trends.
Interestingly, even though child-free adults are often told they will live to regret their decision, those in the study 70 or older were less likely to express feelings of life regret than their counterparts with children.
The pros of a child-free life
Financial freedom: passports not Pampers
Here in Canada, it costs about $293,000 ($213,000 USD) to raise one child from birth to age 17, not including the cost of post-secondary education. Thatโs a lot of money, especially if you have several kids.
Iโve been able to use the funds that might have gone to orthodontics or hockey camp for things that enrich my life, like travelling and setting myself up for early retirement. And yes, okayโฆmaybe the occasional ridiculously overpriced face cream.
Itโs not that I never worry about money. Itโs that I value my freedom more than the idea of motherhood, and not having kids has given me financial options that would not have been possible with a family to support.
Open calendar, open possibilities
Most parents have to plan their vacations around school calendars or daycare schedules. Some delay or entirely let go of dreams like getting university degrees or advancing their careers because they are too busy raising kids. One of my friends delayed going to law school for 8 years to be home for her daughter. I know sheโd say itโs worth it, but itโs still a sacrifice.
Iโve never had to worry about that. I can book a vacation whenever I want, and I donโt need to wait for spring break. I can travel in the shoulder season when kids are in school and the tourist crowds have thinned out.
Iโve had the time and bandwidth to upgrade my nursing degreeโโโa move that opened up amazing career opportunities and landed me a pretty great job. Iโve also had the free time to pursue my love of writing and learn the violin. All of these life-enriching activities have been possible because my time is my own.
Relationships: more fish, less fuss
Iโve never had to stay in a bad relationship โfor the kidsโ or because I was reliant financially on a partner. My first marriage was a troubled one, and when Iโd had enough I was free to walk away in a clean break with no ties to my ex. Anyone whoโs been through a bad divorce can understand what a huge deal that is.
Iโve been divorced once and widowed once. Both times, when I reentered the dating pool, I think itโs safe to say I had more prospects because not everyone is okay with dating a single parent.
Now, Iโm in a long-term relationship again and while we donโt live together yet, when we do, we wonโt have to worry about blending children from two families. I know people successfully do this all the time, but not having that complication is one less stressor for all of us to deal with.
The sweet, sweet sound of silence
As an introvert, I highly value alone time and being in a peaceful, orderly environment. Thereโs a lot to be said for walking into a house and hearingโฆnothing. No shrieks, no slammed doors, no Baby Shark on an endless loop. Just me, my dog, and my sanity.
I honestly wonder how the introverted parents out there manage to live successfully with kids who (bless their hearts) talk all the time. Good on you. For me, thereโs not much I value more than the luxury of a peaceful existence.
My body without battle scars
I believe that healthy bodies are beautiful and should be celebrated, regardless of the changes that come with time. Having said that, Iโm not immune to vanity and Iโm not sorry that my body is absent the natural changes like stretch marks, scars, and loose skin that come with creating an entire human being inside your body. Gravity has been kind to me and everything is pretty much where it was when I was 25. Iโm not gonna lie, itโs a plus.
Iโve also been spared the pelvic and bladder issues that many women my age experience due to pregnancy. Iโve never experienced torn muscles from labor or the lingering hip and back pain that childbirth can leave behind.
My bladder control? Pretty solid, thanks.
On the flip side, women who have never given birth have a higher lifetime risk of breast, ovarian, and endometrial cancers. These cancers are influenced by hormones, and each pregnancy lowers a womanโs overall hormone exposure over time.
Itโs a trade-off, like most things in life, but overall Iโd say I currently enjoy better physical well-being and comfort in my own skin than I likely would have had with children. And if I die before my time due to my choices, wellโฆat least I lived the life I wanted in the time that I had.
Now for the cons
Aging without a safety net
However perky oneโs boobs may be, time is coming for us all. The number one reason people have encouraged me to have kids my entire life has been this: โWho is going to look after you when youโre old?โ
That mightโve been a good argument once upon a time, but as a nurse of 25 years I can tell youโโโin this day and age, hospitals and care homes are full of people with kids who never visit. So letโs put that to rest.
However, they are also full of people whose families do visit, and advocate for them, and give them something to look forward to. And sometimes I wonder: Will I have that? Or will it just be me, hoping the nurse on duty that night happens to be kind?
Itโs a sobering thought. But honestly, my plan for old age is not to โhope for a dutiful child.โ I have a wonderful circle including my partner, siblings, niblings, extended family, and friends. My plan is to save, take care of my health as much as possible, and build strong relationships with my loved ones so I am always surrounded by people who care about me. None of that is a 100% guarantee against ending up aloneโโโbut neither is having kids.
Heirlooms without heirs
This is a big one, but itโs only something I started thinking about recently. Who am I going to leave all my stuff to? I donโt mean my house or my bank account, Iโm sure someone will want those. I mean the trappings of my life.
As I look around my house at the treasures Iโve collected over the years, I see a heavy ceramic plate, ornately studded with gemstones, that I haggled for in a shop in Morocco. On another wall, thereโs the colorful painting I bought from a street artist in Bangkok amid the vibrant chaos of Khao San Road. These things arenโt just tourist souvenirs to me. They are my memories. Mementos of a life well lived. What about my photo albums, my wedding books? Is anyone going to care about any of that when Iโm gone?
Probably not.
Iโm surprised by how much that stings, and I think itโs not about the stuff (after all, Iโll be dead. Iโm not going to care). Itโs about a much more important question:
When Iโm gone, who will my life have mattered to?
Kids are one way to leave an impact on the world and be well remembered, but not the only one. Iโve been thinking about how I can contribute something of value to the world through my work and in what I bring to my relationships, so that even if all my beloved treasures end up some day in an estate sale (or, god forbid, a dumpster)โโโmy life will still have meant something.
It comes down to what brings you joy
Itโs delicate, this topic, but letโs be honest: Parenthood isnโt a guaranteed ticket to joy. Iโve known parents whose children became estranged, or struggled with terrible mental health issues, or who otherwise brought tremendous heartache to their lives. As much as Iโm sure they love their kids in spite of all that, I wonder if they could go back, whether they might have made a different choice.
Likewise, there are people like me who chose a child-free path and feel no regret. My life is full. Of work that matters, people that love me, travel that excites me, adventure that shapes me, and quiet mornings with coffee where the only agenda is my own.
Life is complicated. Choices are complicated. But one thing I know for certain: Child-free does not mean joy-free.
Iโm Child-free at 50: With No Regrets was originally published in Wise & Well on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
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