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/u/Emeraldandthecity
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I (18f) was feeling lonely after welcome weekend at college. I went on Yik yak (if youโre unfamiliar with it itโs kind of like Reddit but for your specific college so itโs like a giant gc sort of thing). I posted about how I felt and a guy dmed me and asked to meet up. It was like 3am at this point but I was like why not. So I grab my pepper spray and I meet up with him and we talk.
The conversation itself was somewhat like not normal? We would talk about stuff but he would have weird pauses or repeat things and seemed incoherent. He was walking normally tho im pretty sure. When we got to his room we talked more and he even showed me how to hit a golf ball against his wall. Then at some point it was 4am and I was so tired and didnโt want to walk back and he said โI mean we could do something elseโ and I said โlike whatโ and he said โmake outโ and I was like โalright sureโ
So we make out and he smells and tastes so gross. He reeked of alcohol. This was the night of like the biggest party of the year btw. I had only maybe a quarter of a beer like several hours prior. At some point I ask him if heโs intoxicated and he says no. And then he asks for my consent like โdo you like me doing all of thisโ and I said yeah. And I asked him back โare you comfortable with all of thisโ and he said yeah too.
But in my head I knew deep down that drunk people often agree to things they donโt actually want to do so me asking him that was meaningless. But what scares me is in the moment it felt like I didnโt care? Like I felt so lonely and undesirable beforehand that I just wanted to keep going so I just took what he said and ran with it?
At some point we decide to sleep and we cuddle and I wake up at 7am and decide to head back. He walks me back to my dorm and I go to bed and then wake up with a fresh mind and I was like wtf was I thinking.
So I freak the fuck out and I text him and ask him if he was intoxicated while we made out. He said he had 5 beers a couple of hours before meeting me. He said โeverything is fine, donโt worry about anything I was goodโ when I was checking in with him. And I asked if he had a good time and he said yeah.
But I just feel so gross and scared that I didnโt care about his consent or something. I feel horrible. If heโs fine with it thatโs cool but it doesnโt change the fact that I disregarded his consent out of some sort of desperation? Itโs more so the principle of the situation and my own intentions that bother me/scare me as opposed to how he actually felt in the end. I just feel so shitty and I donโt know how to fix this. Do I have to disclose this to future people I get intimate with?
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The conversation itself was somewhat like not normal? We would talk about stuff but he would have weird pauses or repeat things and seemed incoherent. He was walking normally tho im pretty sure. When we got to his room we talked more and he even showed me how to hit a golf ball against his wall. Then at some point it was 4am and I was so tired and didnโt want to walk back and he said โI mean we could do something elseโ and I said โlike whatโ and he said โmake outโ and I was like โalright sureโ
So we make out and he smells and tastes so gross. He reeked of alcohol. This was the night of like the biggest party of the year btw. I had only maybe a quarter of a beer like several hours prior. At some point I ask him if heโs intoxicated and he says no. And then he asks for my consent like โdo you like me doing all of thisโ and I said yeah. And I asked him back โare you comfortable with all of thisโ and he said yeah too.
But in my head I knew deep down that drunk people often agree to things they donโt actually want to do so me asking him that was meaningless. But what scares me is in the moment it felt like I didnโt care? Like I felt so lonely and undesirable beforehand that I just wanted to keep going so I just took what he said and ran with it?
At some point we decide to sleep and we cuddle and I wake up at 7am and decide to head back. He walks me back to my dorm and I go to bed and then wake up with a fresh mind and I was like wtf was I thinking.
So I freak the fuck out and I text him and ask him if he was intoxicated while we made out. He said he had 5 beers a couple of hours before meeting me. He said โeverything is fine, donโt worry about anything I was goodโ when I was checking in with him. And I asked if he had a good time and he said yeah.
But I just feel so gross and scared that I didnโt care about his consent or something. I feel horrible. If heโs fine with it thatโs cool but it doesnโt change the fact that I disregarded his consent out of some sort of desperation? Itโs more so the principle of the situation and my own intentions that bother me/scare me as opposed to how he actually felt in the end. I just feel so shitty and I donโt know how to fix this. Do I have to disclose this to future people I get intimate with?
submitted by /u/Emeraldandthecity
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