S
Shaant
Guest
Digital Therapy
The relief of no judgment and the absence of human presence
Photo by Grzegorz Walczak on Unsplash
Having a conversation with an AI therapist was like yelling into a canyon and then having it return not only an echo, but a softened echo carrying empathy.
I could write out thoughts I usually buried in shame and the AI would respond with nothing but time. No eyebrows raised. No audible exhalation. No awkward pauses.
That evening, I told it about the little humiliations I was still carrying with me from my younger years. Like pulling myself together instead of breaking down from the idea of βman upβ and swallowing my anger because I knew verbalizing it would only make things worse.
The AI didnβt dismiss me.
It gently asked questions that showed me parts of myself I hadnβt seen before, which felt surprising and new.
I found myself saying things I had never said out loud.
It wasnβt flawless. Sometimes, the advice felt rather fast, as if I was getting reassurance rather than challenge.
It was during those moments I realized I was thirsty for a safe mirror.
A therapist had once told me real therapy is where it replaces the voice of shame with the voice of compassion.
For perhaps the first time, I found myself wondering if a machine could do that too.
The relief of no judgment met the ache of no presence
For me, one of the best parts of AI therapy was it didnβt judge.
I could tell it all of the behaviors I am embarrassed by. Food for comfort, procrastinating with work and obligations, feeling I am not worth much. It was just there, offered calm suggesting rather than impatience.
At 2 in the morning, when my human support system was asleep, it felt like a treasure.
I got relief.
There was full confidentiality because I never had to even state who I was in the first place. I never had to think twice about someone talking, or raising alarms.
I could stop mid-session, have all of these ideas run through my mind, and feel no guilt.
In contrast, usually when I stop with human therapists, I am likely stopping because they are tired, done with me, or are unavailable after having several sessions and need to maintain their energy.
However, with AI therapy, I could relish the therapy in a way I did not think I could.
I did sometimes feel⦠cold after certain sessions. Like hugging a mannequin.
I unloaded all of these thoughts, but did not feel held.
The words may have been smart or nice, but there was no heartbeat on the other end.
I then began to realize what people mean when they say presence.
A real therapist, even in silence, will always find a way to knit warmth into that space.
A twitch of a head, tension in their shoulders, or the way they pause can show me that I am being completely seen.
But, with the AI, I never was given that.
And sometimes I realized I didnβt know whether I needed help, or I wanted to be seen instead.
When technology heals and when it harms
There were times when the AI astonished me with its clarity.
I instructed it to be brutally honest, prompting it to help me recognize that I had overreacted in a minor squabble with a close friend. I made the first move to apologize. Without that little nudge, this relationship may have been lost.t
The next time, it took me through a structured activity like a CBT session. The AI asked questions, I answered, then it responded.
I thought of it as the GPS for my emotions. I still had to drive, but the directions kept me from going off the cliff.
However, I also saw that its limits were coming quickly into focus.
It could suggest breathing exercises and journaling prompts, but it could not sense that my laugh was covering pain, or see the way my hands were trembling.
With deeper issues, say, if I was sinking back into thoughts tied to trauma from long ago, I feared it was dangerously simplistic.
And later, a Stanford study validated that fear. AI therapy could lack nuance. It doesnβt just lack richness. AI therapy can sometimes affirm harmful, ongoing patterns.
The difference between guidance and actual healing became more noticeable.
Real therapists do not provide answers. They empower you to discover answers.
AI can guide you, but it canβt truly lead you to deep personal insight.
However, the art of signaling someone on the way to their own insight is where AI fails, however advanced.
What I learned about connection by talking to a machine
Initially, I found myself concerned that utilizing AI meant I was eliminating a human connection.
But I learned something more subtle. It articulated for myself what I absolutely needed.
I needed a space to come unstitched before I wrestled with a real therapist. I needed a resource that was there for me even during those odd hours of loneliness. I needed a counselor that never tired of my incessant repetition.
AI provided all of that.
But I also needed accountability. Accountability that comes when another human looks me in the eye, and believes I can change my life.
I needed the quiet courage of sitting across from someone who carried my story not just in their memory, but in their body.
Trauma especially requires a witness who embodies not only logic, but hope.
The exercise heightened my awareness of my own contradictions.
I wanted efficiency but also wanted warmth. I wanted freedom from judgment but wanted someone to judge me when I was kidding myself.
AI is probably best understood not as a replacement, but as a connector.
A more interactive self-help book or a journal you can return to when needed.
It canβt replicate the relational depth of therapy, but it can create a support resource for a time in a stigma-riddled world where too many people are silenced by costs.
Healing needs more than words
Reflecting back, it is clear the sessions with AI were much more than calming for me.
They helped me clarify what real healing is.
It is not just careful responses or unlimited access to assistance. More than that, it is about sharing humanity.
Technology can screen, diagram, and simulate empathy, but it cannot contain it.
It can describe coping mechanisms, but it cannot be present with you as you watch yourself tremble while implementing it.
It can relate to reason, but it cannot offer its heartbeat.
I am realizing that therapy at its best is about being known.
And being known is more than words.
Healing sits in human presence.
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How an AI Therapist Helped Me Understand What I Really Need From Healing was originally published in Contemplate on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.
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