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/u/Just-Big-4339
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Me(32M) and my wife (30F) have been married for 3 years, and together for a total of 8 years, and Iβm afraid our sex life has really deteriorated.
We have never been super kinky or adventurous, but the last 3 or 4 years it has slowed down to the point that we have sex once, maybe twice a month, and it is very routine and honestly not that enjoyable.
Typically, I am the only one who initiates. She used to initiate sex sometimes, but now she has maybe initiated once in the last year. I on the other hand have honestly stopped trying as much, because my attempts were being denied so frequently. Obviously I understand she wonβt want to have sex 100% of the time, but the constant rejection has begun to make me feel unwanted, and that itβs not worth the effort.
When we do have sex, itβs very routine. I initiate, she lies there while I kiss her, touch her, take off her clothes, etc. I spend a lot of time rubbing her clit and always try to make her orgasm. I feel like she puts in much less effort, with minimal (sometimes none) use of her hands, and she doesnβt do oral almost ever. She mostly just lies there while I βwork on herβ and then we have very vanilla PIV with me on top doing all the work, which by that point I often donβt even last very long because Iβve gotten myself worked up. So I finish feeling disappointed and like the whole thing wasnβt worth the effort.
I really love my wife, and I want to fix this because itβs the one big issue in an otherwise very good marriage. Weβve talked before about how we should have sex more often (multiple times a week) and she agrees, but it doesnβt really change. Iβve mentioned that I would appreciate if she gave me blowjobs, but she brushes it off saying things like βno one wants a penis in their mouthβ or if she does do it, she does so begrudgingly and it kind of ruins the whole thing. I used to give oral quite a bit, but Iβve stopped because it really seems one sided.
I know this sounds like me putting all of the blame on her, but Iβm clearly part of the issue as well. I have not tried initiating much lately, as I have just started to not feel very desirable, and not that into it.
Iβd really love some suggestions of simple things we could try to spice up the bedroom and get our sex life more active and adventurous. Kink-wise, I donβt think she has any major kinks. I have a much higher libido and would really be open to trying almost anything - I think knowing she was into something would be enough of a turn on for me to get into it also. But Iβm really lost as to what to even try at this point.
Sorry for the novel, but if anyone has any advice I really appreciate it.
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We have never been super kinky or adventurous, but the last 3 or 4 years it has slowed down to the point that we have sex once, maybe twice a month, and it is very routine and honestly not that enjoyable.
Typically, I am the only one who initiates. She used to initiate sex sometimes, but now she has maybe initiated once in the last year. I on the other hand have honestly stopped trying as much, because my attempts were being denied so frequently. Obviously I understand she wonβt want to have sex 100% of the time, but the constant rejection has begun to make me feel unwanted, and that itβs not worth the effort.
When we do have sex, itβs very routine. I initiate, she lies there while I kiss her, touch her, take off her clothes, etc. I spend a lot of time rubbing her clit and always try to make her orgasm. I feel like she puts in much less effort, with minimal (sometimes none) use of her hands, and she doesnβt do oral almost ever. She mostly just lies there while I βwork on herβ and then we have very vanilla PIV with me on top doing all the work, which by that point I often donβt even last very long because Iβve gotten myself worked up. So I finish feeling disappointed and like the whole thing wasnβt worth the effort.
I really love my wife, and I want to fix this because itβs the one big issue in an otherwise very good marriage. Weβve talked before about how we should have sex more often (multiple times a week) and she agrees, but it doesnβt really change. Iβve mentioned that I would appreciate if she gave me blowjobs, but she brushes it off saying things like βno one wants a penis in their mouthβ or if she does do it, she does so begrudgingly and it kind of ruins the whole thing. I used to give oral quite a bit, but Iβve stopped because it really seems one sided.
I know this sounds like me putting all of the blame on her, but Iβm clearly part of the issue as well. I have not tried initiating much lately, as I have just started to not feel very desirable, and not that into it.
Iβd really love some suggestions of simple things we could try to spice up the bedroom and get our sex life more active and adventurous. Kink-wise, I donβt think she has any major kinks. I have a much higher libido and would really be open to trying almost anything - I think knowing she was into something would be enough of a turn on for me to get into it also. But Iβm really lost as to what to even try at this point.
Sorry for the novel, but if anyone has any advice I really appreciate it.
submitted by /u/Just-Big-4339
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