He needs constant reassurance and itโ€™s ruining the mood

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/u/DreamedUp

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I (F25) and my boyfriend (M26) have been going out for a few months now. Everything is great. Nobody has ever treated me better. In the bedroom, heโ€™s a considerate and generous lover, and is constantly checking in to make sure Iโ€™m okay. And yes, it is very nice and I appreciate that he does that. It makes me feel very loved. The only issue is the fact that he watches my face like a hawk. Donโ€™t get me wrong, eye contact is extremely hot, and is my absolute favorite thing in bed. However it isnโ€™t just eye contact. Heโ€™s analyzing my every facial expression and will stop every time I donโ€™t look happy or smiling. Iโ€™ve never been one to smile during sex, itโ€™s just not something Iโ€™ve ever done. Iโ€™m too busy enjoying the moment. He told me I look miserable or sad or scared. Itโ€™s just my face though. Iโ€™ve told him that and he told me โ€œjust give me a smile so I know youโ€™re good.โ€

I think to myself no problem, I can do that, give him a smile now and then. Or so I thought. But this is how intimacy has been going as of late: Weโ€™re going at it, he stops, asks if Iโ€™m okay. โ€œYes Iโ€™m doing great!,โ€ I say in an enthusiastic tone and smile. He keeps going. I drop the smile so I can focus on what weโ€™re doing. He stops, โ€œyou look sad, are you okay?โ€

Even moaning doesnโ€™t help since he thinks Iโ€™m moaning in pain??? Itโ€™s so confusing because Iโ€™m nowhere close to being a virgin and he certainly isnโ€™t rough with me. May as well call us French because we are both very vanilla. Itโ€™s gotten to the point where I plaster a smile on my face the whole time. By the end, my jaw hurts, itโ€™s not a real smile, and I canโ€™t even enjoy it since Iโ€™m so overly focused on my facial expressions. My internal monologue during sex has transformed into: โ€œokay keep the smile up. Ugh I canโ€™t smile this long, okay Iโ€™ll just bite my lip or something so he knows Iโ€™m still good. Oh wow that feels good- nope canโ€™t make that face, look happy, look happy!โ€

Iโ€™m exhausted. He keeps thanking me for smiling. Like Iโ€™m glad heโ€™s doing better and all but god damn. If I could just flash a smile now and again itโ€™d be all good but seriously if I donโ€™t look like the Fourth of July the entire time, he gets worried and stops. When we did it from behind, it was the best ever since I didnโ€™t have to spend the whole time worried about my face.

I just donโ€™t know what else to do. Iโ€™ve told him many times that itโ€™s just my face; if Iโ€™m unhappy or anything Iโ€™ll just tell him to stop. It doesnโ€™t help though. Heโ€™s not inexperienced by any means so Iโ€™m honestly not sure where this need for constant reassurance comes from for him. I feel horrible complaining about it since he is very sweet and heโ€™s just concerned but itโ€™s becoming so frustrating. Any advice?

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