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/u/Live_Point_Hillo
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I (35m) have been with my wife Allie (37f) for two years, married for one and we are expecting our first child together in a few months. I also have two children (8m and 6f) from a previous relationship with Alex (32f), and we have 50/50 custody, however, Alex travels a lot for work so we have the kids more than that most of the time, so we get child support from her.
Before we got married, Allie and I spoke extensively about what we wanted, and she was adamant about being a stay at home mom. I was upfront with her that I was fine with that, weβd be able to afford it, but she would need to be a SAHM for all of the kids to be able to make it work. She agreed happily.
So as you can probably predict, she sat me down the other day and told me that she wants, at minimum, her first year as a mom to only be a SAHM to our shared baby. She said after that she can help out more with the other kids, but wants to protect her first time motherhood and said itβs her number one boundary.
I told her that would no longer work, then, I couldnβt support a family of five on just my salary without help with all of the kids. She said I needed to figure it out and respect her boundaries, but this simply wonβt be possible. We have family to help for sure but sheβs saying she doesnβt want to be responsible for the older kids at all the first year. Also, we want at least one more child and Iβm now worried sheβll try to extend the year with another baby. Sheβs incredibly hurt and angry, but I donβt think it would even be possible to respect her boundaries. So would I be the asshole for reneging on my promise to let her be a stay at home mom?
Quick edit - my ex wife will be keeping the kids for two weeks after birth and has been able to be assured she wouldnβt travel for that first month of emergencies come up, I am also paying the person I currently am who picks up, watches, drops off etc the kids before and after school an additional 4 weeks after Alex already has them for 6 full weeks off from any older kid duties for Allie.
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Before we got married, Allie and I spoke extensively about what we wanted, and she was adamant about being a stay at home mom. I was upfront with her that I was fine with that, weβd be able to afford it, but she would need to be a SAHM for all of the kids to be able to make it work. She agreed happily.
So as you can probably predict, she sat me down the other day and told me that she wants, at minimum, her first year as a mom to only be a SAHM to our shared baby. She said after that she can help out more with the other kids, but wants to protect her first time motherhood and said itβs her number one boundary.
I told her that would no longer work, then, I couldnβt support a family of five on just my salary without help with all of the kids. She said I needed to figure it out and respect her boundaries, but this simply wonβt be possible. We have family to help for sure but sheβs saying she doesnβt want to be responsible for the older kids at all the first year. Also, we want at least one more child and Iβm now worried sheβll try to extend the year with another baby. Sheβs incredibly hurt and angry, but I donβt think it would even be possible to respect her boundaries. So would I be the asshole for reneging on my promise to let her be a stay at home mom?
Quick edit - my ex wife will be keeping the kids for two weeks after birth and has been able to be assured she wouldnβt travel for that first month of emergencies come up, I am also paying the person I currently am who picks up, watches, drops off etc the kids before and after school an additional 4 weeks after Alex already has them for 6 full weeks off from any older kid duties for Allie.
submitted by /u/Live_Point_Hillo to r/AmItheAsshole
[link] [comments]
Continue reading...
