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:Brilliant – very much appreciated. Thank you — '''''[[User:ImaginesTigers|ImaginesTigers]]''''' ([[User talk:ImaginesTigers|talk]]) 16:11, 8 July 2025 (UTC) |
:Brilliant – very much appreciated. Thank you — '''''[[User:ImaginesTigers|ImaginesTigers]]''''' ([[User talk:ImaginesTigers|talk]]) 16:11, 8 July 2025 (UTC) |
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::Starting now, I'll finish the rest shortly. |
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=== Prose and content === |
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* {{green|Lucasfilm and Trevorrow parted ways citing creative differences}} This is |
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* Mention in the lead that the final film used a different script |
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* Structurally strange for an article about a script to have the discussion on writing in a background section. |
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* Introduce why we are talking about J.J. Abrams. |
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* {{green|answer to Rey's family}} Can you expand on what this means? |
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* {{green|Trevorrow said the critical response had been "more damaging" than the movie itself...}} I generally think this source can be better summarized. |
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* It feels strange that there's nothing on who leaked it or why. |
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* I think it's worth describing briefly how it is different from the released film. |
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* Generally a very good explanation of the plot. Some confusing bits: |
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** What is a Sith? Holocron? Bonadan? hyperdrive? |
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** {{green|using this power to kill Tor Valum}} Why? |
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** I think you can introduce a few characters a bit better, even if you think they're obvious such as Leia and Emperor Palpatine. You do a fine job with most with establishing them through context. |
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** Are life force and life energy different things? |
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** What is the significance of "Rey Solana"? |
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** {{green|As she nears death... [she is given] the choice to stay dead}} Contradictory here |
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* Have a scan through to see if there's any discrepancies with AmEng. For instance, you use rumours in one part, and rumored later. |
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* "retcon the parentage" [[Retroactive continuity]] is a good link here, but you can generally explain why this is significant. |
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* {{green|but he dies as a villain in Duel of the Fates but is redeemed in Abrams' movie}} Clunky, and in the plot section you say "In an act of redemption" |
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* {{green|Colin Trevorrow said he did not regret his work on Duel of the Fates...}} I think this sentence, particularly the "cited" description should be restructured to be more clear. |
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* "CinemaBlend about the fan-made comic." Something's been lost here. |
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* "Ryan Britt wrote positively Winegarner's comic" Here as well. |
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* "more serious version had been made by animated YouTube creator" And here. |
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* So, were these animation adaptations full adapations? Or just picking out scenes? A bit confused. |
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=== Suggestions === |
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* I think the guidance in [[User:Tony1/Noun plus -ing]] can be applied to {{green|In January 2020, the script was posted to social media, with some critics describing it as too professional to be fan fiction.}} |
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* "note/d" is used repetitively in the #Press section |
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* I think Boyega's criticisms of The Rise of Skywalker can be merged into a single sentence. |
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* [[Star Wars comics]] would be a better link for [[The Star Wars]] |
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=== Sources === |
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* {{green|which released two months after his departure.}} Two months before. |
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* You put "side-lining" in quotes as if Boyega said it. The source doesn't verify this. Did he? |
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[[User:Rollinginhisgrave|Rollinginhisgrave]] ([[User talk:Rollinginhisgrave|talk]] | [[Special:Contributions/Rollinginhisgrave|contributions]]) 02:14, 9 July 2025 (UTC) |