Losing people my age is shaking me in ways I can’t explain

Today I went for my distant cousin’s memorial. Honestly, we weren’t that close.. conscionable those cousins who travel each different connected societal media, reply to each other’s stories present and there, possibly bump into each different astatine a household thing. But still… sitting determination today, I couldn’t clasp backmost my tears. I virtually cried done the full service, and connected my mode location too.

Thing is, my tears weren’t adjacent conscionable for her. It was much seeing her family, however helpless and breached they were, grieving their girl and sister. It was truthful heavy. I kept imagining myself successful their shoes, and it wholly messed maine up. Like what if it was maine and my household seated connected that reserved bench, wholly crushed? Or worse, what if it was maine up there, conscionable a representation connected the altar portion radical talk astir maine successful past tense? That thought honestly frightened maine truthful much.

Then I looked astir and noticed truthful galore older radical immoderate looked similar 70 oregon adjacent older. And I thought to myself, if attending little than 5 funerals successful my beingness truthful acold has maine feeling this shattered, what has that aged woman oregon antheral seen successful their lifetime? How galore friends, siblings, cousins, children person they buried? How bash they transportation each that grief and inactive support going?

When I was increasing up, my parents didn’t instrumentality maine to funerals. I really lone retrieve 1 burial from my puerility that’s my biologic dad’s. That’s it. So present that I’m an adult, and radical I really cognize (my age, adjacent younger) are dying, it’s hitting maine successful a wholly antithetic way. It’s similar I’ve been sheltered from decease each my life, and present it’s conscionable coming astatine maine each astatine once.

It’s making maine question truthful overmuch astir life. How fragile it is. How we’re virtually present today, posting stories, going to work, laughing with friends, and time we could beryllium gone. Just similar that. And beingness moves on. People cry, clasp a service, hide you, and past dilatory spell backmost to their lives. It honestly terrifies me.

It’s besides made maine realise however precious beingness really is. How we shouldn’t instrumentality adjacent a azygous time for granted. It’s pushed maine to privation to emotion deeper, forgive faster, cheque connected my radical more, laughter harder and conscionable live… genuinely and unapologetically live. Because honestly, we ne'er truly cognize however agelong we have.

So yeah… arsenic dense arsenic contiguous was, it’s besides a reminder to treasure beingness and the radical successful it, portion we inactive can. ❤️

• If you’ve work each the mode to the end, convey you truthful overmuch for holding abstraction for my thoughts. I genuinely commune God keeps you safe, fills your days with laughter, and surrounds you with emotion that makes beingness sweet. 💛*