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RALEIGH, N.C. — Local punk thrashers Suet are using Bandcamp’s ability to send email notifications disproportionately to the level of interest garnered by their music, annoyed fans reported.
“We’ve been calling our vinyl printers every day asking for updates on the pink-and-gray splatter variant of last year’s EP, and we make sure to pass every update to our fans,” stated Suet bassist and vocalist Rodney Garguillo, who has replaced many band rehearsals with digital marketing seminars. “Fans need to know things like when XS shirts with the logo on the front pocket are estimated to come back in stock. As for the music, we’re not reinventing the wheel. It’s punk. Pick four chords at random and repeat for two minutes. The songs are in many ways marketing for our email campaigns.”
Those close to the members of Suet are beginning to question the band’s artistic priorities.
“Suet’s first few batches of songs were quite good, if a little cookie-cutter. But then they got on Bandcamp and it’s been a non-stop barrage of messages which never end up in my spam folder like they should,” stated Kelly Blasquez, sister of Suet drummer Brandon Blasquez. “The constant barrage of messages is ruining what little enjoyment I could get out of their stuff. And now I’m afraid that if I unsubscribe, they will be able to see that in the Bandcamp interface. Things would get super awkward around the holidays at my parents’ house. I already stole his girlfriend- we can’t have any more drama.”
Marketing and SEO experts weigh the pros and cons of focusing so heavily on the digital footprint of a band.
“You had better be the next Led fucking Zeppelin if you’re going to send more than two emails per month to your exceedingly generous and kind Bandcamp followers,” stated Jackie Tilly, who freelances as an SEO consultant. “Don’t punish them. No one really cares when your stickers are restocked or when they will be obligated next to buy a new vinyl to maybe play once. Just be happy that anyone can even fake interest in your shitty band which exists in a sea of a million other shitty bands.”
As of press time, Garguillo has quit Suet due to “creative differences” as to how many exclamation points to use in the subject line of the band’s next Bandcamp email.
The post Band Not Good Enough to Warrant This Many Bandcamp Emails appeared first on The Hard Times.
