A Faustian Bargain: These Gas Station Dick Pills Offer The Sexual Strength And Stamina Of A Rhino, But At The Cost Of $6 Plus Tax - ClickHole

A diabolical and potentially disastrous choice is currently available for any soul unfortunate enough to stumble into this Sunoco gas station off exit 3 on the New Jersey Turnpike: These gas station dick pills offer the sexual strength and stamina of a rhino, but at the cost of $6 plus tax.

Absolutely twisted. This is the textbook definition of a Faustian bargain, where the ultimate temptation of unrivaled sex power comes at a terrible price.

Anyone who is making a purchase at this gas station’s food mart will inevitably catch a glimpse of a bottle of pills labeled “Jungle Fuel: Rhino-Powered Penis Electricity LEGAL,” which are listed at $6 and will come out to $6.40 once sales tax is included. Of course, man has sought the ability to fuck like a rhino and possess the dick power of a wild animal for centuries, but is this noble pursuit truly worth it if it means spending close to six and a half dollars? This is the moral dilemma anybody walking into this Sunoco Food Mart must grapple with, and it’s likely few will leave with their sanity fully intact.

At first it might seem like an obvious choice: The human penis is extremely weak, and basically worthless, while rhinos can have sex for up to 72 hours straight without losing their gigantic zoo-caliber erections. Anyone who takes these pills will basically become a sex god. But down the line, when you’re trying to buy something for a bit over $6, you might find yourself regretting you ever laid eyes on this miracle rhino drug.

Consider the following parable: A prosperous American businessman was buying a Coke Zero at a Sunoco Food Mart when he saw a bottle of pills. The pills said things like, “Have Zoo Sex In The Jungle Like A Master” and “Pure Rhino Orgasm. Pure Horse Orgasm.” The man said to the cashier, who was the Devil with horns, “Give me this sex medicine so that my sex partner can enjoy my wilderness cock.” The cashier said, “First of all, I’m the Devil. Second of all, you can have these love vitamins, but in return, you must give me $6 plus tax.” Then the cashier laughed like a maniac and the flames of Hell were visible in his black and unblinking eyes.

The businessman said, “Whatever,” then handed the cashier $6.40. That night, the businessman went home and took the medicine and he and his sex partner enjoyed the best sex that anyone’s ever had. The next day the businessman went to the doctor and the doctor said, “You have appendicitis and it will cost $6 to remove your appendix before it explodes.” The businessman said, “I don’t have $6. I spent it on dick medicine for my rhino penis.” The doctor said, “Then you need to leave the hospital forever.” So the businessman went home and his appendix exploded and he either died or was fine.

This story should definitely cause a moment of hesitation for anyone considering buying these rhino pills for sex! What would you do? Would you purchase Jungle Fuel: Rhino-Powered Penis Electricity LEGAL, even if it cost you $6 plus tax? Let us know in the comments!